I have been incredibly neglectful of this blog. Well not just of this blog but the actual challenge of reading my bible and studying it. I have felt so tired and I have been completely unmotivated for the past to weeks. The truth is I just have not felt like investing in my relationship. What type of daughter to the King am I? Good thing like every good Father, God has a whole lot of patients for my selfishness.
Anyway my read it reminder that I want to dwell on for this post is about contentment. An issue I struggle daily with. Actually probably more like an hourly struggle. That's just how bad I am at being content. I hate doing nothing, I mean when I have something that I want to do and my children are napping I find myself so frustrated. Like right now I would much rather be at a thrift shop looking for some amazing piece to make my house a home( or dreaming about making a house that I may or may not be getting a home) but my children are sleeping so I am now deciding to give God sometime since I am currently unable to accomplish anything else. Again that is just how selfish I am with my time. Forgive me for my selfishness, God, I really just get to caught up in my own desires and I forget that you want to walk with me even through the mundane daily activities.
Anyway back to the read it reminder on contentment. I received the text telling me to read this scripture on April 15 and I am just now actually doing it(back to that selfishness). The verse is 1 Timothy 6:6-10."Godliness with contentment is great gain...". I don't think I am very godly and I know I am not c0ntent and although I don't stuggle with actual money. I struggle with not owning a home, not having beautiful things to make my place feel like me (who in my dreams, is a very trendy, thrifty, chic homemaker whom everyone just loves the craftiness of me). I suppose wanting those things may not be actual money, but to get those things requires money. And although those desire are not necessarily bad, it is probably bad that I want them so badly that I lose sleep and hours worrying that I don't have those things. And I spend so much time thinking about what I don't have, that I want that I forget to be thankful for what God has given me. Which is A LOT: a wonderful husband who works two jobs and helps out with laundry, cooking, and our little boys; two beautiful children, who have the most intoxicating giggles and smiles that could light up the darkest of places; he gave me a puppy( I LOVE animals) that although is a little crazy seems to be playing wonderfully with my very rough 18mo old; God has provided me with a temporary home that is actually much nicer then a lot of peoples homes; He has blessed me with a wonderful family who sticks their necks out for me financially, emotionally. I mean I AM blessed beyond measure and I am choosing to be content. It is not a choice I am making just this moment, but a choice that I will have to make for a lot of moments. Probably every day, multiple times a day but if i keep my blessings as my focus I believe contentment will start to seep into my restless soul.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Hello, My name is Ruth: Part III
Day's 1-5 are finished. There was so much to unpack in such a few verses! God really packed some truth into the small amount that we have covered. I really never have expectations when I first start a study because I haven't done very many of them and I feel like if I have expectations of what I am supposed to be getting out of the study then I am some how boxing God into the mold I think He should fit. With that said I do not want to go about aimlessly hoping God smacks me upside the head with some convicting piece of knowledge either. I really just do not know how to go about bible studies. So I have decided to quit trying to control what I am supposed to be "learning" and just learn.
Now that I have let go of my preconceived notions of religious revelation that should automatically pop out at me when I open my bible, I feel a lot more comfortable in the study, wading through some heavy stuff. I actually feel like I can relate to this old testament story as if God wrote it for me for this place in my life. There is so much to being a mother, a wife, and a women of God. It is sometimes seemingly impossible to do all 3, but God tells me in Ruth that it is possible. I can provide for my family and serve God. Right now my family and I, more specifically my husband Jason and I are faced with the daunting challenge of trying to follow dreams, God's plan, and look out for our little family's best interest. We are praying God is the one who leads our decisions, unfortunately it is not as easy as a telephone call to hear from God. It is a lot of prayer and scripture reading and even then our humanity can still get in the way of God's best. Fortunately for us though God is amazing and is not limited by our decisions be they the right or the wrong ones. I am comforted by the fact that all though God for bid interaction with the Moabites, he used that time that Naomi spent there to further His kingdom and His Glory. God challenges us to follow Him and even if we don't listen He calls us back. And I am amazed by the hesed that God constantly shows and that even if we are in the wrong place we can still be used to love the unlovable and that God even calls us to do so. All of these facts make me eager to find out what direction God is calling my family and I am confident that if I earnestly seek my Savior in this BIG decision that He will use where ever we end up for a greater purpose (maybe even journeying with someone else like Ruth back to Bethlehem.) I am trying to figure out which women I am in this story Naomi, who superscribed to the grass is greener on the other side mentality, only to be called back home. Or if I am more like Ruth who journeyed into a foreign land that she had no business in but went to any way out of love and trust that the God of Israel was good. Ruth was such a strong, persistent women; I hope I turn out to be more like Ruth in this story personally, but honestly I believe both women to be stronger then me. I am easily swayed by my emotions and find it hard to set one path and follow it. I want so desperately to do what is best for my two little boys and I have my ideal image in my head and I just pray I can open up to what God has in store and that I have as strong of character as either Naomi or Ruth.
Now that I have let go of my preconceived notions of religious revelation that should automatically pop out at me when I open my bible, I feel a lot more comfortable in the study, wading through some heavy stuff. I actually feel like I can relate to this old testament story as if God wrote it for me for this place in my life. There is so much to being a mother, a wife, and a women of God. It is sometimes seemingly impossible to do all 3, but God tells me in Ruth that it is possible. I can provide for my family and serve God. Right now my family and I, more specifically my husband Jason and I are faced with the daunting challenge of trying to follow dreams, God's plan, and look out for our little family's best interest. We are praying God is the one who leads our decisions, unfortunately it is not as easy as a telephone call to hear from God. It is a lot of prayer and scripture reading and even then our humanity can still get in the way of God's best. Fortunately for us though God is amazing and is not limited by our decisions be they the right or the wrong ones. I am comforted by the fact that all though God for bid interaction with the Moabites, he used that time that Naomi spent there to further His kingdom and His Glory. God challenges us to follow Him and even if we don't listen He calls us back. And I am amazed by the hesed that God constantly shows and that even if we are in the wrong place we can still be used to love the unlovable and that God even calls us to do so. All of these facts make me eager to find out what direction God is calling my family and I am confident that if I earnestly seek my Savior in this BIG decision that He will use where ever we end up for a greater purpose (maybe even journeying with someone else like Ruth back to Bethlehem.) I am trying to figure out which women I am in this story Naomi, who superscribed to the grass is greener on the other side mentality, only to be called back home. Or if I am more like Ruth who journeyed into a foreign land that she had no business in but went to any way out of love and trust that the God of Israel was good. Ruth was such a strong, persistent women; I hope I turn out to be more like Ruth in this story personally, but honestly I believe both women to be stronger then me. I am easily swayed by my emotions and find it hard to set one path and follow it. I want so desperately to do what is best for my two little boys and I have my ideal image in my head and I just pray I can open up to what God has in store and that I have as strong of character as either Naomi or Ruth.
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